Perspective
Is it just me or are you one of those people who sometimes needs a SERIOUS slap-in-the face to put life into perspective???
I tend to get so caught up stressing over little things, that I constantly lose focus.
I have to thank my husband for helping me regain focus recently. I’m sure that this is not necessarily information all of you would type out and post on the Internet, but it’s therapeutic for me and I have a feeling I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Being a Stay At Home Mom is seriously the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Aside from the little munchkin constantly needing something from me (yes, I do realize that is part of having a baby!), I have been having a hard time dealing with what I call, THE GUILT. Oh…. The guilt. Let me try to briefly list just a few things that I was feeling guilty about 24/7.
Not working
Not having to drive to work
Not bringing in any $$
The house not being clean enough
Not contributing much to the family
Having fun at play dates
Visiting w/ my other stay at home parent friends
Taking Ellie to go do stuff
Having lunch w/ friends
Spending any amount of money
Not saving enough money
Not being frugal enough
Sleeping longer than Craig
Reading a book or napping when Ellie napped (I swear I only did this ONCE)
Not getting enough done around the house while Craig was at work
…… You get the picture right?
I’m not Catholic, but I think maybe the Mid-western hard working (farm or factory) genetics are something we are born with here. Either that, or Monsanto has been modifying it’s GMO Corn & Soybeans all these years to reprogram our brains. Either way, it’s a constant battle I deal with in life. It has taken me 34+ years to finally START (baby steps) making decisions for ME and MY FAMILY first, instead of other people. I’m getting there though.
Anyway, so, Craig and I got into a tiff last weekend which turned into a yelling match (Ellie was napping—don’t worry, she won’t be scarred for life—Although I’m sure she’ll need therapy for a slew of other things though—like the “Instant Gratification Syndrome” that Craig and I are predicting her generation will have to deal with. For example, she says Dora. We immediately put on Dora. Sorry. Tangent). The yelling match was about him working in the garage by himself and me wanting to go to Target by myself. It turned into him basically telling me that he feels like all I do is complain. Complain about being at home. Complain about Ellie. When I was working, all I did was complain about wanting to be home more. Now I’m home more and I’m complaining about working! Complain about this and that. I tried to argue back with him, but I realized he was RIGHT. Then came the tears. He then explained nicely to me (sometimes you have to cry to get men to communicate in other ways… ) that he simply wanted me to CHILL OUT and QUIT STRESSING. He wants me to enjoy my pregnancy, my time with Ellie. That he is proud of me for all of the budgeting I’ve been doing, the money I’ve been able to save and he is not worried about the future at all.*
*please note that I would like to go on record stating that we are not having any financial troubles… it has just been an ADJUSTMENT for me to not buy what I want when I want… or go out to eat when I want or do everything I want! We have plenty of money in savings and have not had to dip into that at all. I am not saying this to brag, I just don’t want anyone to think I’m one of those people who just “thinks things will work out”… I don’t. I think you have to make things happen. I guess I really needed him to just SAY all of those things because I felt like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. First of all, now I truly believe what he said. Secondly, the guilt, although still constantly present, has subsided A LOT. If I am exhausted in the afternoon and want to take a quick nap, I DO IT. When Ellie wants me to play with her, I PLAY. I don’t pretend to be playing while sneaking glances at my iPhone or making lists. I am honestly trying to cherish every moment of it!
Don’t get me wrong, I am still busy… plotting and scheming my next business ventures :), but I am having fun doing it all! I hope that the time I am spending now working on some tiny business ideas will pay off and at some point I will have the liberty of working from home AND actually bringing in some $$ for the family!
Happy Friday everyone. Have a great weekend.
Posts
